A Tribute To My Dad

Ratnakar (Raj) Lawande 1939-2023

Friends,

My dear, sweet, funny, pain-in-the-ass-but-I-loved-him-like-crazy father passed away this past weekend at the age of 83.

He was a gem. A larger-than-life character. The man spread optimism and light and dealt out smiles like candy, never letting an opportunity for little humor pass him by! Everyone loved his jokes. By the end, having heard them a million times and having perfected the ugh-not-that-one-again pretend laugh, even I began to find them funny too. His joy in cracking everyone up was contagious! He was a genuinely optimistic human and believed that there was good in everyone.

He loved well. He loved big. His heart was gigantic. He and mom were married for exactly 50 years. Having known each other for just weeks before they married, who could ever have imagined they’d be such great partners in life! We knew he had to go first because he absolutely couldn’t live without her. He adored Neil’s wife Sahr and my Ashvin and expressed his good fortunate at having such great kids-in-law. And his grandchildren were his absolute pride and joy. He was extremely proud of all their academic achievements. That Nikhil is such a phenomenal golfer was a particular treat. Those two had a special grandpa + first grandchild bond and of course loved watching old episodes of Seinfeld and Impractical Jokesters together. He loved that Sonia enjoys soccer, is gregarious, and lives bravely and fully (“don’t squash that spirit,” he’d tell us). That Rishaan has dad’s intellect, memory, and sense of maps. And oh Raji, in whom his trickster, jokester ways live on! He had other “grandchildren” like my cousin’s kids who he also loved as deeply as his own.

I think I can speak for Neil and me when I say that for us, he was a royal pain in the behind! He loved to poke. He loved to needle. And oh man, did he succeed! But actually we both knew that he was our greatest champion. Dad was absolutely my #1 fan, always and forever. He used to tell me that I should be a model and enrolled me in modeling class at the local Montgomery Ward when I was 6 - ha! He was thrilled I went to Harvard and never doubted I could do it. He was so supportive when I left the Brigham and academic medicine and jumped into the entrepreneurial world (“I’m leaving Harvard and my parents are thrilled” said almost no other child of Indian immigrants ever!). He had always wanted one of us to do something in business (I still remember him reading Lee Iacocca’s books all those years ago!), and he was so proud of what we accomplished at AbleTo. He always believed you could, that I could, and as a result I have never had reason to doubt myself. What a gift to have parents like that!

My tears are met in equal measure by big broad smiles as we recall his humor, his joyousness, his gaiety, and his love for and pride in all of us who loved him so very much. There are so many great stories! So many photos that all invariably show his smiling face. The remembrances by text and phone and email from around the world all recall his joyous spirit.

There’s a big giant gaping hole in the universe now that he’s gone. But he’s really not gone gone. We find that each of us carry forward his legacy with little (or in my case, big…) pieces of him living within us. I have his penchant for, uh, talking, and especially his love of public speaking. Like him, I want to ask every Uber driver and waiter their name, say hi to everyone I meet, and find ways to connect with people, somehow someway.

We will honor his memory by living his way of living - bold, happy, fearless, joyous. He came from so little and he built this life, this big, giant, beautiful life, this life that he made for us, this life we get to live. What a gift he was to the universe. What a gift he was to us.

There will be more to say, more stories to tell. But for now, as I told him many many times…

Love you, dad.

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Dad’s official obituary on legacy.com can be found here.

And there were way too many pics to choose from so more photos of dad can be found here.